Blog

  • Worms in the Wood

    Worms in the Wood

    Watching Democrats flail around in the first week of the Trump administration and its resulting chaos, I was reminded of a poem by Rudyard Kipling, “A Pict Song.” It was put to music by Billy Bragg, probably in the 90s, and may be the best “playbook” to successfully impede these guys. In short, it asserts subversion rather than overt resistance, and I think it may be a more effective course.

    Activists, the ones calling for “RESISTANCE,” mostly seem concerned with performative measures intended to communicate “outrage” in a very instagrammable, televisable manner. It is rambunctious, no doubt satisfying, but will ultimately be as futile as the faux “outrage” that allowed the hard right to take over in the first place. And remember, they have the guns, the prisons, and the machinery in place to quell the “resistance” before it gets too loud. I’d argue that these activists have neither the power nor the nerve to punch the bullies in the face. Yet, punching the bully is the only time-tested way to get them to back down. So, yes, I’d argue that resistance is futile.

    Still, I get about five fire-breathing emails a day from one or another Democratic politician. All describe the terrors of Trumpism, but none really say much about what they are going to do about it. There are no new candidates to capture the imagination of the electorate. No new ideas—instead, just that we need to “stop Trump.” Instead, they have their hands out, palms up, seeking more cash without giving any indication as to what they may do with it. Remember, the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again (think 2016 and 2024) and expecting different results. It is worse than useless, it is harmful.

    That brings me to “A Pict Song.” The poetry doesn’t guide us to resist—no gluing our hands to the pavement. Instead, the message is “subvert.” The chorus goes like this:

    We are the Little Folk—we!
    Too little to love or to hate.
    Leave us alone and you’ll see.
    How we can drag down the State!

    We are the worm in the wood!
    We are the rot at the root!
    We are the taint in the blood!
    We are the thorn in the foot!

    Mistletoe killing an oak—
    Rats gnawing cables in two—
    Moths making holes in a cloak—
    How they must love what they do!

    Yes—and we Little Folk too,
    We are busy as they—
    Working our works out of view—
    Watch, and you’ll see it some day!

    Of course, this sort of resistance won’t garner the thousands of hits that a protest march would, it won’t capture the attention of Rachel Maddow, and won’t feed the political money machine. But it can disrupt the works enough to slow it to a crawl. This should be our focus.

    I’ve seen this at work in Texas when I was interfacing with the public health system. The public health workers got things done even while they were toiling in an immensely unpopular department that was constantly in the crosshairs of a conservative legislature. They just did it quietly, like water flowing around obstacles rather than rocks trying to pound their way through.

    Flowing water is a great analogy. We often think of it like a mountain stream falling through pristine rocks. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Flowing water cannot just erode, it can be toxic and poisonous—and it can completely wreck the best laid plans.

  • Where You Drive


    I live on the street under the 405.

    You stare at your phone at the light in your Ford.

    Just ignoring my sign on your morning drive.


    It’s fuckin’ hard each day to just stay alive.

    My girl turns tricks to eat, ain’t really a whore.

    We live on the street under the 405.


    Is it good or bad luck that I still survive?

    My mom was a junkie, that opened the door.

    I’ll be here in the rain on your evening drive.


    Been under this freeway, it’s goin’ on five.

    They treat us like shit when we finish our tours.

    It sucks on the street under the 405.

    This ain’t what we want for the rest of our lives.

    But shelters take your fix, can’t go there no more.

    I’ll see you tomorrow on your morning drive.

    Was it an overdose or a suicide?

    Or just really bad shit in yesterday’s score?

    We die on the street under the 405.

    You won’t notice me gone on your morning drive.

  • Proposition 99 – Yes on Yes

    Proposition 99 – Yes Means Yes

    Official Title and Summary

    Prop 99 YES MEANS YES

    • Requires that a Yes on a proposition means that the title of the Proposition has the force of law
    • Enables the Attorney General to enforce the law against prior propositions
    • Bars amendment to propositions to clarify them

    Arguments in Favor of Proposition 99

    DON’T VOTE ON TWEETS, VOTE YES ON YES MEANS YES. A small group of SPECIAL INTERESTS, TRIAL LAWYERS, INSURANCE COMPANIES and BIG CORPORATIONS want the voters of California to continue to be befuddled by poorly written, contradictory ballot propositions. Proposition 99 – the YES MEANS YES proposition changes that. A YES vote on Proposition 99 says NO to those SPECIAL INTERESTS, TRIAL LAWYERS, INSURANCE COMPANIES and BIG CORPORATIONS that want to expand the freedom of speech of California proposition writers, who work tirelessly at creating confusing proposition language.

    THE CURRENT RULES MUST BE CHANGED. Today, a proposition that is intended to say “NO” to something is often worded to require that you say “YES” to it, causing voter confusion. SPECIAL INTERESTS, TRIAL LAWYERS, INSURANCE COMPANIES and BIG CORPORATIONS pay thousands of dollars to proposition writers to come up with ambiguous titles that are no longer than the average tweet. Hidden behind these often unthreatening titles are propositions that CAN RAISE YOUR TAXES, CAN INFRINGE UPON YOUR PROPERTY RIGHTS and CAN FORCE YOU TO ACCEPT LIFESTYLES THAT ENDANGER YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

    The SPECIAL INTERESTS fighting YES MEANS YES don’t care about YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR PROPERTY OR YOUR HEALTH.

    VOTING YES ON YES MEANS YES ends all of that. A YES VOTE ON YES MEANS YES brings clarity to the California Proposition process. Don’t say no to yes, SAY YES TO YES MEANS YES.

    Ashley Carbunkle President, California Association of Idiots

    Mike Johanson Officer (Retired), Donald Trump Taxpayer Association

    Rebuttal to Argument in Favor of Proposition 99

    Don’t let them fool you. SPECIAL INTERESTS, TRIAL LAWYERS, INSURANCE COMPANIES and BIG OIL COMPANIES want to limit your ability to PROTECT THE ENVIRONMENT, PROTECT YOUR FAMILY AND PROTECT YOUR PROPERTY. They want to INFRINGE upon the FREE SPEECH of Californians.

    Proposition 99 is misleadingly titled as “Yes Means Yes.” In fact, a vote for Proposition 99 is a NO vote to freedom of speech and your Constitutional Rights.

    DON’T GIVE THE SPECIAL INTERESTS ANOTHER TOOL to take money and property from you. VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION 99.

    A NO VOTE SAYS YES TO YOUR FREEDOM! SAY NO TO YES MEANS YES.

    Zoe Avila-Thomas President, California Proposal Writers Association

    Boris Yevchenko Professor of Linguistics, University of LaVerne and Shirley.

    Argument Against Proposition 99

    A YES VOTE ON YES MEANS YES MEANS NO to OUR SCHOOLS, OUR HOSPITALS, OUR VETERANS AND OUR CHILDREN.

    STOP SPECIAL INTERESTS, TRIAL LAWYERS, INSURANCE COMPANIES and OIL COMPANIES from taking away your RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH. VOTE NO ON YES MEANS YES.

    Right now, you are free to write and name a proposition as you see fit. Then, you can get signatures and put your proposition on a state-wide ballot and have it become law. Proposition 99 infringes on this right.

    Proposition 99 is a dangerous, wasteful proposition that will RAISE YOUR TAXES without giving one cent to SCHOOLS, HOSPITALS or THE ENVIRONMENT. Proposition 99 is the worst kind of STEALTH PROPOSITION AND MUST BE DEFEATED.

    Lets face it, poorly informed voters are the only ones confused by “confusingly” worded propositions. Well informed voters learn what their vote means and know what they’re doing. Don’t hand even more power to LOW INFORMATION VOTERS.

    Think about it, had Proposition 99 been the law before 2012, gays would have had even more years to pervert the minds of children through their sham marriages. Illegal immigrants would have been able to marry their way to green cards through homosexual marriage and even more of these people would be taking food stamps, clogging our schools and abusing our health care system.

    By carefully wording propositions, we can avoid this. People can draft propositions that will garner the blind support of LOW INFORMATION voters by simply structuring and naming it in a certain way. DON’T LET THE SPECIAL INTERESTS TAKE THIS RIGHT FROM YOU.

    VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION 99. PROTECT YOUR RIGHT TO SAY YES – VOTE NO ON YES MEANS YES.

    Zoe Avila-Thomas President, California Proposal Writers Association

    Boris Yevchenko Professor of Linguistics, University of LaVerne and Shirley.

    Rebuttal to Argument Against Proposition 99

    DON’T LET THEM SCARE YOU AGAIN.

    THE SPECIAL INTERESTS, TRIAL LAWYERS, INSURANCE COMPANIES and BIG CORPORATIONS are at it again, trying to convince you that it is important for NO to mean YES and YES to mean NO. They are continuing to try to use the “freedom of speech” as an argument to TAKE AWAY YOUR RIGHTS, ALLOW ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS INTO THIS COUNTRY, AND WASTE YOUR MONEY.

    YES MEANS YES means simply YES MEANS YES. No longer will Californians be faced with a choice of YES meaning NO, or NO meaning YES. It forces proposition writers to make these things clear so that any registered voter, regardless of education, income or language, can VOTE YES when they mean YES.

    SAY NO TO SPECIAL INTERESTS – SAY YES TO OUR CHILDREN, OUR FAMILIES AND OUR HEALTH. SAY YES TO YES MEANS YES.

    Ashley Carbunkle President, California Association of Idiots

    Mike Johanson Officer (Retired), Donald Trump Taxpayer Association

  • The Luckiest Person on Earth

    Let me start out by saying that I am clearly not the luckiest person alive. Sure, I have had some great victories – beating a nasty case of testicular cancer being among the highlights, and survived some ridiculous trauma – including a divorce that won’t end, but none of these qualify me for the title of the “Luckiest Person on Earth.”

    I also have two kids who love me (or at least don’t hate me). And they’re great kids, too. But a lot of us have great kids that like us (or at least don’t hate us). While I can definitively say that I’m not the unluckiest person on Earth, this doesn’t qualify me for Luckiest Person on Earth, either.

    I’ve also been reasonably lucky in the workplace, always finding a net when the bottom crashed out. And romance? Well, that’s been up-and-down, but it seems to work out OK.

    My mother certainly could be the Luckiest Person on Earth. Born in Germany in 1923, she survived the Nazis through cunning, skill, luck and determination. She went on to have a long, happy marriage and run a business. And she’s still alive and kicking at 93. Not only that, but her luckiest day may have been the day that I, the not-quite luckiest man was born and become her son (but I doubt it). A lucky woman, she is still not the Luckiest Person on Earth.

    Maybe Mario Scarnici or Paul White qualify. After all, they (along with one other) shared $448,000,000 in Powerball winnings. That is about $150,000,000 each (or $86,000,000 in lump sum). But neither Mario nor Paul seem to have done anything big with their win – nothing great for themselves nor anything great for others. After all, the Lucikest Person on Earth does have an obligation to “give back” to the world – to pay some of their good fortune forward. There is no evidence that either Mario or Paul lifted a finger to help the poor or needy.

    Some may think that Wilt Chamberlain is the Luckiest Person on Earth. But note an important distinction – I said Luckiest Person on Earth, not the person who Gets Lucky the Most. So Wilt, rest in peace, while the 20,000 notches on your bed post is an impressive accomplishment, it still falls short of making you the Luckiest Person on Earth. Any anyhow, you’re dead, so you may not be on Earth at this point.

    So if it isn’t me, isn’t my mom, isn’t Mario or Paul and isn’t Wilt, who is the “Luckiest Person on Earth?”

    Let’s start by saying that this person’s story is one that wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for the Internet or YouTube.

    You’re thinking “Psy” – after all, Gangnam Style went platinum and is one of the most popular videos of all times. And Hyuna (the redhead he performs with) has to be one of the most beautiful women anywhere. So is the “Luckiest Person on Earth” this pudgy, Korean mega-star? The one who captured YouTube by storm? No, the answer could not be that simple.

    The story of the Luckiest Person on Earth started in Manila, where he was born in 1967. His life was part tragedy and part success, with a mom who nurtured him until her untimely death when he was 13. Because of this, the family went broke, and our hero struck out on his own at the ripe old age of 13.

    He found some success using his skill, but also struggled and spent about two years living on the streets (and for those who have never been to Manila, those streets make Skid Row here look pretty luxurious). His skill, singing, carried him through and he met with some success playing music in restaurants and small clubs in the Philippines and Hong Kong. Nothing more than a few people looking at him and his band as they played some original songs and some covers.

    He actually got a couple of Asian recording contracts, too… meeting with some regional success, but nothing that would qualify him as the Luckiest Person on Earth. He just bounced around near the lower- to mid-levels of the music business, like many around here do, making a living and slowly aging out of the pop scene.

    Like a child, it takes a villiage to create the Luckiest Person on Earth. Friends who believe in you help humanize you and pick you up when you’re down. Our hero is no different. Friends gave him sofas to surf on, jobs here and there and also put the voice and image of our there on YouTube.

    And that is where it gets interesting. Neal Schon was looking for a new singer for his band. After the lead singer left, the band stayed together, but was faced with diminishing success. Smaller crowds, smaller venues, smaller paychecks. It couldn’t go on for too much longer.

    A friend of Neal’s sent him a link to a YouTube video of our hero singing. He and his cover band, Zoo, were singing a cover of one of Neal’s band’s greatist hits. It was magic… and that day in June, 2007, Neal reached out to our hero and scheduled an audition in the U.S.

    220px-arnel_pineda_by_phey_palmaOur hero didn’t believe it – after all, a call out of the blue inviting one to leave their country and audition for a famous has-been band in the U.S. sounds like total BS. His
    friend, the guy who
    put him on YouTube, finally persuaded our hero to answer the email. Neal called 10 minutes later, and our hero was on a plane before the end of the next month.
    In December, after working with the band, our hero was named the lead singer of the band. On February 21, 2008, he had is debut in Chile, in front of thousands of fans. His energy revived not only the music of Journey, but the band themselves. Our hero, Arnel Pineda, starting on the streets of Manila is now the lead singer of the supergroup Journey. Arnel Pineda, picked out of millions of YouTube videos, is now the face, voice and soul of the supergroup Journey. Don’t Stop Believeing.

  • The Apartment

    The Apartment

    Sandra brought the one of the last small boxes upstairs. We had finally done it, finally after three years of dating, of trying to figure out where we left this or that — at my place or hers — we were going to be in the same place, waking up in the same bed, every day. Just a little more furniture and a few more boxes to go.

    As soon as my head finished with the words “every day,” a knot formed in my stomach. In the rush to move together, to cement our relationship, I had forgotten how much I cherished those days, usually once or twice a month, where I was able to wake, alone, without prompting from an alarm clock or another being with an ever-so-slightly different biological clock.

    Sandra was a great woman to be with, this relationship never seemed to be a mistake, and the desire to be apart was a desire to be alone, no more. And now, being alone, here in Los Angeles, would be a rare thing.

    Sandra saw the concern in my forehead and asked “are you OK?” At that moment, as if on cue, a large, brown cockroach ran from the baseboard to the center of the room. I jumped back.

    Sandra, originally from New York, took no mercy on me or the roach, launching her left sneaker onto the roach quickly and effectively. An audible crunch, leaving a three inch circle of roach juice on her shoe and the floor. Yuck.

    “You just killed the welcoming committee” I said jokingly. “In this neighborhood, they don’t bring the new neighbor a pie, they take it from them… one bite at a time.”

    Sandra’s eyes followed the wall. As quick as a cat, she moved. Crunch, splat and another circle of roach juice. I opened my computer and looked to see if I could find the landlord’s number. I dialed, panicking as every dark spot in the apartment seemed to move. The call went to voice mail.

    “Mr. Landry? This is Mike Rafael. We seem to have a problem here with roaches. Please call me at 323-555-1212 when you get this.”

    Crack, splat, crack, splat. Sandra had killed another four in the last minute. They started appearing though cracks in the floor — coming up from nearly everywhere. Hundreds, no thousands of them.

    Crack, splat. Crack, splat. Crack, splat.

    I picked up two of the most valuable boxes to put back into the van. After I put them in the truck bed, ten huge, brown, disgusting roaches crawled out of the bottom box. They scurried into the front of the truck. There was no stopping them.

    Sandra followed with a couple of clothing boxes. She dropped them in the van and one popped open. Another twenty or so jumped out of the box and scurried to the front.

    “Let’s get out of here” I said. Sandra nodded and we went over to her Mazda and hopped in. No roaches! We pulled away, the boxes sitting in the wide open van as we pulled the U-ey. At the first stop light, Sandra pulled off her shoes and tossed them into the overgrown weeds next to the sidewalk. We sped off, driving as fast as we could — to the PCH, then up toward Oxnard. Not a roach to be found.

    Back at the apartment, Mr. Landry walked around the truck carrying a soggy, full grocery bag and smiling. Then he went inside and looked at the open boxes. As soon as he entered, the tide of roaches scurried into the cracks, like water flowing down a storm drain. He phone beeped, the deposit had cleared. “Thanks, guys! You did an exceptional job today” tossing the grocery bag, full of half rotting food, into the apartment below. He picked up a pretty new iPod, popped the earphones in, and pressed play, dancing out of the apartment to the sounds of another triumph.

  • The Patriarch

    The patriarch sits in his comfortable chair, eyes half closed, kinda dozing off. The women are in the kitchen squabbling about the pot roast — too much salt, not enough pepper. They do this every year.

    Some game or another flickers on the TV. The purpose of the game to the patriarch is clear – it provides the white noise that covers up (a) the women bickering, (b) the older boy’s Rooster Tooth podcast, and (c) the incessant sound of guns and death coming from the younger boy’s xbox.

    For these purposes, bowling is the gold standard. The ball rolls down the alley — microphones poised to catch the rumble of hard rubber against polished wood. A few seconds later, the soft sound of the pins mixing it up, like distant thunder. Soft, deep male voices between shots bridge the sound gaps — a perfect backdrop for a perfect nap.

    Even better, televised bowling seems to repel everyone except the old dog. The old dog seems to get it, a frustrated patriarch in his own right, his ability to reproduce ended before it even begun. But the old dog is another old man, and lays comfortably in front of the sound of the pins falling.

    The patriarch sighs and settles further into his chair — he isn’t sure, but he thinks he hears himself snoring. The thought startles him a bit and he awakens, only to find the dog at his feet, snoring and passing gas. The patriarch lets one go too — the women won’t know if it was the dog or him. He smiles and settles back into his twilight zone. It is the third frame.

    Truth be told, the women wouldn’t know if it was him or the dog because they won’t get within ten feet of his bowling sanctuary. He’s lucky with these women, they respect his space and territory. He respects theirs, too, which is one of the reasons that he invested in a beer fridge a few years back. He doesn’t need to interrupt them, nor them him, and all seem happier because of it.

    The patriarch awakes to a sensation — he has to take a piss. four and a half frames have gone by, Johnson is leading Walker by 12 pins going into the all-important eighth frame. He slowly forces himself out of his chair, the old dog laying flat on his side opens one eye for a moment, then closes it. Back in the old days, he would have popped out of the chair and the dog would have bounded after him, but those days are gone.

    He goes to the bathroom, unzips, and lets the pee flow out of him like a yellowish river. He’s fortunate that it isn’t his prostate causing this — yet — it was the beer. Satisfied that his innards are still working properly, he goes over to wash his hands. He looks down, turns on the faucet and presses on the liquid soap dispenser, washing his hands for a few seconds. He rinses his hands, fills them with cold water, and splashes the water onto his face.

    He looks up into the mirror to comb his hair and I see myself — the face that I’ve seen in that mirror for nearly sixty years — but no longer the kid that I once was. Now I see the patriarch. Me.

  • Brothers

    Michael was always the stronger of us, even though I was a year older. Not quite Irish twins, but almost. As soon as he could walk, he pretty much got his way around the house. A toy? His. The biggest ear of corn? His. And there was never a question about who rode shotgun. Either he beat me out of it, or mom and dad put him in the back seat. He was a master at concealing his rather tyrannical nature from them – they thought we got along swimmingly.

    I was 43 years old when I got the call. It was Mirasol. “Michael has kidney disease and needs a new kidney.” At that point, I hadn’t spoken to Michael in about 5 years — since we read dad’s will. After growing up with such a tyrant, I was always a little reluctant to confront the bully, let alone get terribly engrossed in his life. Lets just say we grew apart.

    I had met Mirasol once before the wedding, at the annual family Passover meal that my ex-wife and I used to host. Michael brought Mirasol to dinner. She certainly was cute, had one of those delightful Cuban accents, and seemed pretty smart. But my brother-in-law, Wally, who still seemed to be stuck in the 60’s, pretty much ended all conversation when he asked whether Michael thought it was a good idea to marry the domestic help. That night, that dinner, was the beginning of the end of my marriage.

    Wally was such an asshole and for a long time I wondered how Tracy avoided that trap. But she could only avoid herself for so long, and the last three years of our marriage were a series of sharp, angry periods interspersed with time away from each other. She was Wally’s sister, and frankly, I’m glad the divorce swept lots of that away. Every family has a black sheep, and I hoped that Wally was our representative to their society, but in reality, I was the oddball of this bunch.

    Anyhow, Mirasol was asking if I could go get tested to see if I was a match for Michael. I hesitated for a second – she heard that and started welling up. I relented.

    Turns out that Michael should have played the lottery that day – my tests came down as a 95% match. More than simply “compatible.” There was a chance that I could save my brother’s life.

    The transplant surgery went well for both of us, I was at work in two days, and Michael got out a week later. For a while, we talked every day, then three times a week, then every Sunday… It finally petered out and we went back to living our parallel lives.

    About two years later, I find Mirasol on the other end of the telephone again, this time crying. “Michael’s dead” she said. It hit me like a rock. My brother – my younger brother – the one with my kidney in him – has passed. I went to the funeral, not sure if I was saying goodbye to Michael or to my kidney… as I now had only one.

    Now, ten years after that first call, I find myself in the hospital, ill with advanced kidney disease. Unlike Michael, I have no one backing me up. I’m on the transplant list, but unlike Michael, I don’t have a brother to cover for me. And it turns out that, while our organs matched each other, our blood type is very rare.

    As my remaining kidney fails and the dialysis machine keeps me from poisoning myself too quickly I realize that, once again, Michael got the last laugh again. I guess I’ll see him again soon.

  • My Friend Stan

    My friend Stan had a heart attack this weekend. He’s lucky — got a stent that will keep him around for a long time.

    Stan is my age and we’ve known each other for 52 years or so (since we were 5). Stan and I were inseparable as kids, growing apart through middle and high school as our lives took separate paths. We’ve kept in touch and lost touch repeatedly over the years, reconnecting most recently a month or so ago when I was planning my high school reunion trip. Probably a story that is repeated hundreds, no, millions of times a day in this world.

    This is starting to sound like a eulogy, but it isn’t. Stan is alive and well, stent in place. Diet and exercise will keep him here, too, and there is no real concern about his imminent demise. Still, this was probably the greatest signpost of aging that I have had to face in a long time, and it did get me thinking.

    I’m 57 and entering the stage of my life where people will start passing around me from natural causes other than cancer (I exclude cancer here because cancer is the one killer that doesn’t seem to correlate with age in a fairly linear manner). It is an adjustment period, as now, when I loose a childhood friend, it looks less like a shocking tragedy and more like the ordinary progress of life and aging.

    Also, it is never far from my thoughts that I could be one of the early ones.

    I guess what is most telling is that I wasn’t shocked by the news of Stan’s heart attack as I would have been even two years ago. Instead, I felt bad and scared for Stan and his family, and acknowledged that this happened at a relatively young age — but the truth is that age had a role. And it is the beginning of a process that will happen again and again, friend after friend (or me, for that matter) until there is one, and then none of our generation left.

    This is what life is supposed to be, I know. A journey through an existence that is by its nature, temporary, with no real understanding why we’re here or what we’re here for (I expect people of dogma to disagree with this assertion). It seems as if our bodies — if we’re lucky in a lot of ways — can get to around 110. But that does seem to be the outside number.

    I know, you’re thinking that average lifespans have increased. That is true — and it is also true that the number of people in their 90’s and 100’s have increased as well. But an average is just that, and is affected by major shifts on the other end of the scale – lower childhood mortality, increased survivability from wars and epidemics, plentiful food, relative peace, etc. All of these play into the numbers.

    This year marks the 40th high school reunion for Stan and I. 40 years since high school. 40 years of being an “adult.” That is a long time and a lot of changes. I’m dreading the fact that I’ll be in a room of my contemporaries, many of which look much, much older than I perceive myself to be. But like everyone else, my mirror lies to me, my close-cropped hair doesn’t really show grey (but my beard does, so I’m clean-shaven), and my attitude about life lacks the general gravitas of many of my peers.

    I will be there, dents and cracks, along with people I haven’t spoken to in 40 years. We’ll all share the memory of place as it was in 1972-1975, the faded memories of people gone by, of teachers now old, retired or dead, of relationships lasting or fading, of exploits that would frighten us now. Like old photos that have their colors washed out, yellowed pages of paper, and wrinkled faces and hands. And we’ll all wake up the next morning with a hangover that only 40 years can bring.

    This is how it should be. This is how it must be.

  • Goodbye Garo

    Goodbye Garo

    I just discovered that Garo Yepremian died two months ago (May 15 to be exact). Garo was one of my childhood heroes an oddball character who rode in on a donkey, saved the day, and rode out on the same donkey. He existed in a parallel universe where his specialized skills were invaluable, but had no penumbra.

    When I was a kid, I wanted to be like Garo. Our first names were similar – check. I was an sort of an oddball – check. I was left-footed – check. But that was about it. Garo was 5’5” – the height that I had attained by 7th grade. Garo could kick… I couldn’t. But he was my hero.

    I had the Garo Yepremian field goal kit… it was these PVC uprights and this black plastic thing that was, essentially, the opposite of an hourglass. I spent hours trying to kick that goddamn thing through the uprights… with virtually no success.

    When I was 18 and working at a Radio Shack for a summer job, I met Garo. He knew the store manager, I don’t know why, and one day he came in to buy this or that. I was floored – a childhood hero there, right in front of me. It was weird that I towered over him – by a full 9 inches… but there he was, with me looking down at him.

    My childhood heroes were all probably between 15 and 35 years older than me. That means that they’re between 72 and 92 now… and they have been, and will continue to be, getting to the end of their lives. Kinda sad, but one of the key facts of life.

    But in any case, Garo, enjoy the next phase, whatever it brings. You kicked your way into the hearts and minds of a lot of folks, me included. Keep smiling.

  • Air Time

    My body grows perceptibly, water retaining, thickening my calves and weighing me down. Frequent travel does this to people which is why so many people seem a bit puffy on the plane. Of course, it could also be sitting in the “roid-maker” seats, squeezed in between a shoulder and an aisle cart. I don’t know.

    Travel is still fun for me, particularly strange given the cruddy travel experiences of so many. The day trip 1/2 way across the country? The business trip that leaves at 6am and gets home at 11pm? Why the hell not. Even though Greyhound treats you better, I’m having a blast with these journeys, great and small.

    Air sleep is one of the main benefits. Before wheels up, I’m snoring… usually waking just enough to push my seat back once the wheels leave the ground. An hour, two or three of uncomfortable, but uninterrupted day sleep. A nice thing.